Oh you know who you are, you are the idiot who has one of those custom ring-tones: some God-Awful song like “Butterfly” by Crazy Town or some squeaky high pitched voice who does karate chop noises before squealing about your incoming messages, call or email.  OR it could be something even more ridiculous like the pre-packaged “Hawaiian” or other “island” music or some ridiculously offensive set of expletives with one purpose.  With the ability to choose your own ring tone the possibilities are endless.  What’s the famous line from the Indiana Jones movie?  ”Choose Wisely”.  There is nothing more pleasant than standing in line at the grocery store and hearing “Thriller”  music start playing, turning your head around to see just how many zombies are present, only to have it cut short by someone either quickly silencing their phone or answering it.  I don’t know what’s worse, silencing the phone just before the good part, or actually answering the phone in the store.  Trust me I DON’T want to hear about your love life, your rotten kid, your boss who’s an ass, or even just you forgot the cat litter.  Please be kind, use a text message WITHOUT a lame ring tone or walk outside to finish your conversation.

Oh and my even MORE favorite is the sheer myriad of tones I hear while trying to enjoy a nice meal.  I almost forget I’m at a restaurant, it feels more like a bad night club (albeit a bright one) with a horrible DJ at the helm.  So many sounds going off at once, each more horrible than the next.  Seriously though, do people NOT realize it’s impolite to even HAVE your ringer on at a restaurant let alone answer it.   I think restaurants should invest in cell phone jammers, selective jammers aimed at only those customers who are douchey enough to actually leave the ringer on.

Don’t even get me STARTED on movie theaters.  Just how many times do the theaters HAVE to show you a clip reminding you to turn your phone off or to vibrate before you get it?  Oh and as much as you think you’re hiding your bright screen from prying eyes by shielding it with your hand, it’s a DARK theater, any light is essentially a beacon drawing complete focus right to you.  If you MUST use the phone, at least have the courtesy to duck out or sit in the very back so as not to place a target on your back for those with remaining soda, popcorn and other toss-able items no longer needed.

For those of you who feel the need to use your cell phone at a child’s school program, band concert, or even just any venue on stage:  WHY oh WHY even show up?  It is clear you care nothing about either the content or people on stage nor the other patrons around you who might actually WANT to watch the show.  What I really, REALLY want on my home video is some jack-ass talking to his boss about some files on the way, or some mom talking with the neighbor about the latest gossip.  Next time, don’t bother.  Just send a cardboard cutout in your place so your kid knows you care or those around you do.

For the teen crowd, it is really okay to answer your texts, Facebook posts and more LATER.   Despite what you might think the world will NOT stop revolving if you don’t drop everything to respond to “Jenny’s” latest melt-down and your friends will NOT hate you if you can’t respond right away.   To the contrary, you might actually find the real world is outside of a chat screen, text prompt, or Tweet.   I also can’t stress enough how important GRAMMAR is.  Our local high school teachers have reported actually receiving papers with text lingo like “IDK” and other such online short hand.  I mean SERIOUSLY? At what point do you realize you just aren’t going to get through life using textese and you’re boss is NOT going to be pleased when you type up a document with “FML”, “WTF” and “KMA” contained within.  Or even better….”Here r tha docs, hmb – ty”.

For those of you with your fancy, flashing blue-tooth headsets:  NO you don’t look cool, and yes it’s annoying when we think you’re talking to us and we don’t realize you’re actually on the phone.   They are handy, when used properly but please, take them off when in the checkout line and under absolutely no circumstances are you to talk on the phone while performing another face to face transaction or interacting with others.  It makes you look schizophrenic.

Etiquette people, etiquette.  There was a time when cell phones DIDN’T exist and the world didn’t blow up, or stop and surprisingly business and life went on.  As convenient as cell phones are, don’t abuse your bestowed powers by behaving like a lunatic who not only has bad taste in music, but no respect for others around either.

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