As I made my way through the grocery store, I ran into a couple who clearly believed they were the only two people in the store.  They had a cart full of groceries and as I walked down the frozen foods aisle, they decided to block it.  And by block it, I don’t mean stand in my lane so I was forced to go around.  No, they were fully blocking both lanes.  The woman had her cart turned sideways while the man stood in the other lane pulling items out of the freezer.   So, I politely said excuse me and waited for them to move.  What happened next was baffling.  My “excuse me” was avoided entirely and both of these aisle-straddlers continued on.  They began to have a discussion about which flavors they liked and disliked.  The man finally made a decision and when he went to drop the item in his cart, I made my move to get down the aisle only to be thwarted yet again as he changed his mind.  All the while, another trapped shopper tried to get down the other side.  Both of us waited patiently and eventually they moved on.  Later, as I was checking out, I yet again encountered this couple but this time they were on the receiving end of annoyance.  I had picked up four bags of tangerines which weren’t scanning and the price of these items was unknown and unlisted even for the produce manager.  After an extended wait, and a few apologies – we were on our way and the couple behind us had to wait.  Karma got these manner-less shoppers immediately but, generally it’s not so quick.  So, it prompted an article regarding Shopping pet peeves.

These things DRIVE me crazy at the store:

1. Having more than 10 items in the express lane.
   Seriously? It’s one thing if the store is empty and the lane is empty but to knowingly go into an express lane with LOADS of groceries is shameful.  Why should you be able to skip the normal lane misery with the rest of us, besides you just effectively create the same waits for the express lane.
2. Less than Courteous Payment Methods
   Okay, for you check writers – who in this day and age still writes CHECKS?  We have debit cards for that.  Quick little swipe and all is done.   But I get it, sometimes it’s a comfort thing or you need to float the money an extra day but can you PLEASE for the love of god NOT wait until after everything is scanned to start rummaging around in your purse for your checkbook and pen?  You know all that time while you were standing in line behind that guy with three carts full of soda?  This my friend is prime time to find your checkbook and while all of your purchases are sliding through on the conveyor belt, this is the time to be filling out the check.  I know it’s mesmerizing to watch and you want to make sure everything rings up correctly, but really they WILL refund your money if they overcharge and you’ll take about the same time discussing with customer service as it took you to frantically rummage through your purse.
3. Debating over a $0.15 coupon
   This is one of the more irritating ones.   I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to reach into my own pocket and hand someone a quarter, a dollar or more all because they feel the need to battle with the cashier over a small coupon.  Hey look, I know we all want to save money.  I’m all for it but the amount of time and money you’re costing all of us by sitting there and taking the cashier’s time isn’t worth it.  If it’s that big of a deal to you, go to customer service where instead of making everyone else wait for you, you wait for them to refund your money or explain the store’s coupon policy.
4. Separating the Goods
   Is it REALLY too much to ask for YOU to reach over and grab the separator bar to put behind your groceries for me?  No really, I love contorting my body in strange positions to get up and over your mountain of groceries AND around the shopping cart to reach the divider which is ALL the way at the front.  It’s good for me.  For those of you who DO extend this courtesy, a thousand thank yous.  Now what if there is no divider?  Simply make sure your goods are separate from mine and when the cashier gets to them, make sure you tell her “no I’m sorry, that’s mine” because although I honestly might have needed that laundry soap, or can of beans: you’re going to be mighty upset when you get home later and find you didn’t make it home with your goods.
5. Checkout Lane Claustrophobia
   Does anyone like standing in the checkout line?  I don’t but what I really hate is pushers.  You know the ones who don’t seem to think your personal space matters.  The ones who jam their cart into your backside in an effort to speed things up.  It’s not a full on ram, but a gentle nudge as if you can somehow speed up the process.  Then while you’re loading things into the cart, before you’ve even paid for your groceries they’re at the cashier, arms resting on the writing shelf.  Next time, I think if you’re in my space to pay, I’ll let you.  So either move back, or pay up.
6. Shop Talk
   Look, I’m glad you bumped into your old friend you haven’t seen in hours at the grocery store.  Hey I’m even glad you and the cashier know each other but I’d rather not hear the details of your conversation while patiently waiting to get through to the next aisle or to finish checking out.  Take it outside, or at least move enough for me to get through and finish what I have to do.  Besides, do you really want a store full of people to know about your daughter’s latest love interest or your husband’s work problems?
7. Demeaning the Staff
   You know, I’ve had rough days too.  I’ve had rotten cashiers who can barely count and ones who bag terribly but that doesn’t mean I need to berate them or take my frustrations out on them.  They are just the help.  Think about how many customers they get a day, how many rules they’re expected to follow, and then how tied their hands are for most things.  If you have a complaint, I know I’m sounding like a broken record here, but TAKE IT UP WITH CUSTOMER SERVICE.  That is what they’re trained to handle.  The cashier and baggers are not trained to handle customer service issues, they are trained to scan your groceries and put them in bags.  Besides since when did yelling at someone clearly your junior win you any brownie points?
8. No Stash Backs
   Okay just how LAZY can you be?  Is it really that hard to walk down two aisles to where you picked up the wrong kind of sour cream and put it BACK?  Or here again is a novel idea, just hand it to the cashier at the end so someone can take care of it properly.  But no, instead you simply stick the sour cream on top of the dog food where it will be discovered roughly two hours later by an unsuspecting pet owner who pulls the dog food down only to have the now ridiculously warm sour cream crack open on his shoe and the dog food, thereby making BOTH items unsellable.  Oh and for those of you that put meat, or deli orders aside.  SHAME on you.
9. Snack Attack
   Yes I know the food looks really yummy, especially those juicy grapes.  One or two doesn’t really make THAT much of a difference in the weight does it?  Okay really?  It’s STEALING.  One or two grapes for every person who browses the store amounts to quite a jam.  If you’re so hungry, grab a bag of grapes or the snack of your choosing and run through the express lane before you start your shopping.  No guilt, no crime.  Or go on sample Saturdays and fill up.
   
10. The Double Whammy
    We all once in a while have those massive shopping trips which inevitably lead to either a super full shopping cart, or maybe an extra one for the leftovers.  Think for a minute about the guy behind you, you know the one standing there with no cart and only a gallon of milk or quart of oil in his hands.  He has a car with the hood propped up out in the parking lot, or a wife at home waiting for milk to finish the Mac and Cheese for the night.  He’d go through the express lane, but alas there aren’t any tonight.  So he’s stuck…waiting….for you.  While you unload all of your groceries, dash up to hand the cashier your 43 coupons, then dash back to load more on – he is patiently waiting, and waiting.  When instead, you could have waited the extra 30 seconds and let him ring up his one item and be on his merry way.
11. Parents, Please!
    Okay let me see if I can make this one perfectly clear.  The store is NOT a daycare, an amusement park, a carnival, a buffet, a racing track or a balloon factory.  I am NOT watching for things in front of my cart which barely reach the basket nor do I appreciate it when you let your child push the cart right into the back of my heels.  I can handle upset kids as long as the parent is genuinely trying to teach (and no that doesn’t mean rewarding a screaming child with a prize).  I can’t handle kids allowed to roam free, or play “tag” with a sibling whilst using me as a shield or hiding spot.  If you can’t watch your kids, don’t bring them to the store.

Oh you know who you are, you are the idiot who has one of those custom ring-tones: some God-Awful song like “Butterfly” by Crazy Town or some squeaky high pitched voice who does karate chop noises before squealing about your incoming messages, call or email.  OR it could be something even more ridiculous like the pre-packaged “Hawaiian” or other “island” music or some ridiculously offensive set of expletives with one purpose.  With the ability to choose your own ring tone the possibilities are endless.  What’s the famous line from the Indiana Jones movie?  ”Choose Wisely”.  There is nothing more pleasant than standing in line at the grocery store and hearing “Thriller”  music start playing, turning your head around to see just how many zombies are present, only to have it cut short by someone either quickly silencing their phone or answering it.  I don’t know what’s worse, silencing the phone just before the good part, or actually answering the phone in the store.  Trust me I DON’T want to hear about your love life, your rotten kid, your boss who’s an ass, or even just you forgot the cat litter.  Please be kind, use a text message WITHOUT a lame ring tone or walk outside to finish your conversation.

Oh and my even MORE favorite is the sheer myriad of tones I hear while trying to enjoy a nice meal.  I almost forget I’m at a restaurant, it feels more like a bad night club (albeit a bright one) with a horrible DJ at the helm.  So many sounds going off at once, each more horrible than the next.  Seriously though, do people NOT realize it’s impolite to even HAVE your ringer on at a restaurant let alone answer it.   I think restaurants should invest in cell phone jammers, selective jammers aimed at only those customers who are douchey enough to actually leave the ringer on.

Don’t even get me STARTED on movie theaters.  Just how many times do the theaters HAVE to show you a clip reminding you to turn your phone off or to vibrate before you get it?  Oh and as much as you think you’re hiding your bright screen from prying eyes by shielding it with your hand, it’s a DARK theater, any light is essentially a beacon drawing complete focus right to you.  If you MUST use the phone, at least have the courtesy to duck out or sit in the very back so as not to place a target on your back for those with remaining soda, popcorn and other toss-able items no longer needed.

For those of you who feel the need to use your cell phone at a child’s school program, band concert, or even just any venue on stage:  WHY oh WHY even show up?  It is clear you care nothing about either the content or people on stage nor the other patrons around you who might actually WANT to watch the show.  What I really, REALLY want on my home video is some jack-ass talking to his boss about some files on the way, or some mom talking with the neighbor about the latest gossip.  Next time, don’t bother.  Just send a cardboard cutout in your place so your kid knows you care or those around you do.

For the teen crowd, it is really okay to answer your texts, Facebook posts and more LATER.   Despite what you might think the world will NOT stop revolving if you don’t drop everything to respond to “Jenny’s” latest melt-down and your friends will NOT hate you if you can’t respond right away.   To the contrary, you might actually find the real world is outside of a chat screen, text prompt, or Tweet.   I also can’t stress enough how important GRAMMAR is.  Our local high school teachers have reported actually receiving papers with text lingo like “IDK” and other such online short hand.  I mean SERIOUSLY? At what point do you realize you just aren’t going to get through life using textese and you’re boss is NOT going to be pleased when you type up a document with “FML”, “WTF” and “KMA” contained within.  Or even better….”Here r tha docs, hmb – ty”.

For those of you with your fancy, flashing blue-tooth headsets:  NO you don’t look cool, and yes it’s annoying when we think you’re talking to us and we don’t realize you’re actually on the phone.   They are handy, when used properly but please, take them off when in the checkout line and under absolutely no circumstances are you to talk on the phone while performing another face to face transaction or interacting with others.  It makes you look schizophrenic.

Etiquette people, etiquette.  There was a time when cell phones DIDN’T exist and the world didn’t blow up, or stop and surprisingly business and life went on.  As convenient as cell phones are, don’t abuse your bestowed powers by behaving like a lunatic who not only has bad taste in music, but no respect for others around either.

I decided today to start a new section for this site.   At some point I’ll go back I’m sure and re-categorize those posts I’ve already written but for now it’s time to start a new segment “Pet Peeves”.  Each of us has some secret annoyances or things which make us roll our eyes or even things which nearly call us to action on the spot.  The goal of this segment is to target some of my own which in turn either calls attention to those guilty of such atrocities and helps them to learn to respect others or at a minimum be aware of the impact it has on others AND to solicit agreement amongst those who know EXACTLY what I’m talking about and feel the same way.  I’m sure I can keep this piece running for some time as I have an extensive list of things which truly grate my nerves……

If you have any topic suggestions for this category, post a comment and I’ll consider how it impacts me and whether or not it’s noteworthy.