Every time I think I’m going to get back here and blog, something seems to happen.  I have oodles of thoughts in my head just waiting to share and even lots of drafts started but alas sometimes life gets in the way of living.  We all have hopes and dreams we either wanted or have maybe even achieved but I think sometimes reality sets in and those dreams get knocked down a notch or two so they are manageable dreams.

Me, I wanted to be a writer.  I think I wanted to be the president too, but that’s a long shot at best.  Who knows, maybe I can go viral and get a serious campaign going to run for president with all of my “fans”.  Yeah, right that comes along with the money tree I spliced together and my interview with bigfoot.  So, back to reality.  I write, a blog.  Is it glorious and has it made me wealthy beyond my wildest dreams?  Absolutely not but at least it gives me something to look forward to and something to do.

So back to that writing thing.  I have these random thoughts, these random snippets of descriptive text floating around in my head.  They are usually not big nor are they particularly momentous.  But try to write them down.  Why?  Because there is still that dream someday a book might form itself out of these minute moments of clarity.  These snippets and glimpses of something I want.  Besides, even if my dreams never become reality at least I have that driving force or idea to get my through the doldrums of everyday life.  It drives me to work harder and keep trying in the hopes if I try hard enough it might actually become a reality and that my friends is the true power of dreams.

In honor of Valentine’s day (major ick), I thought I’d take a different approach and talk about something which drives me crazy.   You see there is a deep injustice in this world, a double standard which cuts deep.  Valentine’s day is the big one but anniversaries, birthdays, Christmas, and other holidays which involve gifts can just as easily fall into this trap.

It’s the “perfect gift” trap.  The majority of women across this country will be expecting to be showered with love and affection tomorrow.  They’ll be expecting an over-the-top gift and I’m sure jewelry sales will increase dramatically.

But it’s not our fine women scrambling to shop and find the perfect gift, it’s men.  See men are expected to treat women like queens for a few select days out of the year.  If they fail, oh there is nothing like a woman scorned, especially on Valentine’s day.  Tantrums ensue, cold shoulders run rampant and many tears are shed.   I wonder if sales of jewelry and other goods pick up more the day after?

But the real question is, how many women showered their mates with the same level of attention and gifts they expected?  Did the men who weren’t showered with love also break down into tears or frown?  For some reason it’s an accepted part of the holiday and I’m not sure why.  Valentine’s Day, despite being a confectionery cash pot, did have some noble intentions and beginnings.  A celebration of love and intimacy between partners.

I’m not really sure why we need a day to remind us to love each other, as we should be doing that year round.  We should be constantly showing our love with small gestures instead of going overboard and trying to make up for it once a year.

Additionally, it’s a two way street.  Guys deserved to be showered and appreciated just as much as the ladies do, so don’t forget love is a team effort and it takes two to make it work.  It should also take two to celebrate.

Recently I watched a pair of movies which although a few years old, still have significant relevance and paired together had a profound impact on my thoughts.  The two movies were “Monster’s Ball” and “American History X”.  If you haven’t seen either, I recommend you do.  The main point of both focuses on racism, specifically white on black racism but there are so many other subtle points which tie into what really feeds those irrational thoughts.

Which leads me to the real point of this post.  Racism, Stereotyping, Religion and Supremacy, believe it or not all of these things are deeply intertwined and too often used as an excuse to behave a certain way.

Just because I drive down the road, daily and see a group of black kids in the road acting like idiots doesn’t make me a racist.  I understand just like many of us they are a victim of their surroundings and environment.

Stereotypes are there for a reason, not because someone is a color but rather because statistically there is enough evidence those minorities suffer from that particular issue in their group.

There are also positive stereotypes for each.. I mean think about the assumptions if you are black and tall you can play basketball.  If you are black you can sing, if you are latino you are fiery and a good lover.  Does this mean every black man who walks down the street is a basketball playing singer, or every latino man is a good lover with a fiery latino girl who scorns his every move?  To assume such nonsense is ridiculous.

However, it is true of ALL people no matter what race, creed, religion etc. to be wary and cautious until trust is built and you actually KNOW the person.  Yes I can assume statistically a portion of the black people I run into are musically talented or that Mexican man on the street must sell tacos, but like anyone I have to take the time to sort that out myself. I have friends of varying colors and races.  They are people I have gathered around me for one purpose, they fit within my criteria for people I choose to be my friend.  Does this then make me a supremacist (not to be confused with WHITE supremacist as my views on supremacy do not distinguish between white, black, yellow, green or even purple) ?  Absolutely with one significant difference, I won’t be attacking other groups who don’t choose to conform with mine.  I understand everyone has their own hangups, their own ways and their own choices.  I’ll leave them to their devices as long as they leave me to mine.

Too often these areas are used as a means of doing something bigger, better than yourself.  Elitist groups who shun others and who don’t have a general care about humanity to begin with.  They snub their noses at you because you aren’t as good as they are, they look down on you with pity for your small mind and treat you as an imbecile simply because you don’t agree with their point of view.   Sometimes even go as far as committing acts of violence against others simply because of these differences.

Sometimes it is said or used we ARE defending ourselves, our country, our right to our freedoms and these “people” are infringing upon those.  Reality is, that’s a ridiculous notion but beyond that it does not allow or excuse vigilante justice.

In the movie American History X, Edward Norton’s character goes into a very interesting tirade about Rodney King.  He makes some incredibly valid points and his argument is sound, to a degree.  Until he loses his temper when he runs out of things to say and loses control.  Unfortunately that happens all too often, loss of control because someone is either not following you in your party or you’ve run out of arguments.

In Monster’s Ball, the correlation is made in how the father, the son, then the grandson all start to suffer from the same affliction.  When the son tries to break the cycle and has a heart, it is discouraged.  So he escapes in the only way he knows how.  As wrong as that is, too often it is the way people feel, trapped by their own conflicted feelings, feelings of betraying those we love, and even moreso being haunted by the things we know we should do but cannot because of fear.

It takes this extreme action to wake up the father in this story.

Another poignant example of realization comes in American History X, while people tend to tie Derrek’s behavior to his father’s death by two black men – the truth is the conditioning started a lot earlier than that.  Derrek’s father had subtle ways of teaching racism without actually coming out and saying he hates blacks.  How it’s unfair he has two lesser experienced men on his team just because they are black etc. because of affirmative action.  We are often the product of our own upbringing and although there are situations which have profound impacts and even life-altering ones, too often our parents’ influences stick with us into adulthood and even into the next generation.  Cycles upon cycles of repeated behaviors, some good and others not so valuable.

Belief and change are about perception, they are a perceived view of the world around you and how you fit into it.  Many people are looking for validation for their behavior rather than enlightenment and increased awareness.  Transcending and rising above what we learned as children, see in our lives, and experience is what life is about.  Turning a blind eye in ignorance only serves to cripple us and our progress.

For the first time in nearly two years I looked at the stats for this site and noticed the numbers of visitors for the last year has significantly increased.  Ironically I haven’t done a thing to the site so I can only hope it’s age and terms getting out there but it has definitely given me some encouragement to get back to writing again.  I don’t know who out there in cyber space actually reads my gibberish, but I’m grateful for any who do.  If I can provoke any kind of thought or discussion, then the time spent poring over ideas has been well worth it.

Now that the mushy stuff is out of the way, it’s time for something a little less cynical.  Today I express my empathy and appreciation for people in this world who suffer with physical ailments and afflictions which no amount of medicine or treatment can sufficiently help.  Now of course there are mental ones as well, but those are for another day.  I suppose in general that kind of appreciation should be warranted but this time it comes from a place of understanding.  You see my blog didn’t stop because I lost interest or ran out of topics to write, it stopped because I have had some medical issues to deal with.  The kind which don’t just magically go away.

I’ve spent the better part of the last year having test upon test, an extensive surgery, tried a series of medications and more.  I think I’ve been to the doctor’s office so much I now have my own valet parking space and a personal room complete with concierge services.  Seriously though, who actually enjoys going to the doctor?  When it becomes a repeated event it is even more fun.

The things I’ve learned not only about myself but about how little control we really have even of our own bodies at times was not only humbling, but life altering.  I’ve had to overcome and fight through challenges I never thought I would have to and my family and those around me have had to go through them with me.

There is nothing like dealing with chronic pain.  It is an insidious villain which robs you of precious time, focus and energy.  Sure there are pain medications, but the side effect is also being robbed of focus and time as the effects are equally disturbing to the daily routine.

I was put on a newer medication, kind of a “well nothing else has worked” effort  at solving my problems.  Unfortunately that backfired miserably.  I spent months not realizing the medication was having an effect on my psyche.  It slowly wore me down to a point where I began questioning my own sanity.  Simple activities of the mind were no longer simple and I felt a frustration like I’ve never felt in my life.  I opted for the chronic pain and suffering over the medication.  I’d rather lose control of my entire body and keep my mental faculties in check than to lose my mental abilities ever again.  It truly was the most horrific experience ever.

There was a point when like most people I thought of myself as superhuman – not invincible but at least stronger than most.  I’m a workaholic, I push everything to the last bit I have in me and the realization it can all be lost in an instant has really given me a lot to ponder and appreciate in life.

I still struggle, and fight, with no means of relief on the horizon yet.  I have it far easier than so many others out there, and harder than some too but I appreciate the life lesson and the understanding of others and walking in someone else’s shoes.

I recently posted this response to Mormons and figured it belonged here as well.  Religion is a very sensitive subject in general and I feel very passionately about it.  Anything related to Mormonism and its ways is of particular interest to me as I understand it intimately.   FYI the snippets I responded to are his REVISED talk, not the original.  The revisions are not any better and a web search will help you to find the original if you desire. Now, on to the posting:

There has been a lot of chatter floating around Facebook and in the media regarding a talk Boyd K. Packer gave at the recent General Conference session. This is the quote below from his talk and before anyone decides to flame me for taking it out of context, this is pasted verbatim from the talk and I encourage anyone else to read the whole thing to see what inferences I may have missed.  So the quote to start with (link to the entire talk is at the bottom):

“there are those today who not only tolerate but advocate voting to change laws that would legalize immorality, as if a vote would somehow alter the designs of God’s laws and nature. A law against nature would be impossible to enforce. For instance, what good would a vote against the law of gravity do?

There are both moral and physical laws “irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world” that cannot be changed. History demonstrates over and over again that moral standards cannot be changed by battle and cannot be changed by ballot. To legalize that which is basically wrong or evil will not prevent the pain and penalties that will follow as surely as night follows day.

Regardless of the opposition, we are determined to stay on course. We will hold to the principles and laws and ordinances of the gospel. If they are misunderstood either innocently or willfully, so be it. We cannot change; we will not change the moral standard. We quickly lose our way when we disobey the laws of God. If we do not protect and foster the family, civilization and our liberties must needs perish.” – Boyd K. Packer – General Conference 2010

http://lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-1298-23,00.html

I guess I feel the need to speak out, knowing it may be a heated issue simply because of the irony and contradiction it poses.  How can a church which claims in the Articles of Faith (the summary of what as a whole they believe) first:

11 We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may. - Church of Jesus Christ, Articles of Faith http://scriptures.lds.org/a_of_f/1/12#12

Really?  Because in reading the above, and knowing how many Mormons support the statements made by your President it kind of sounds a little outside the scope of what you claim to believe.  Note the “of our own conscience” part.  Just because you believe these laws were decreed in heaven and your conscience tells you otherwise does not mean my conscience tells me the same thing.   You see, I have a conscience too and it tells me something completely different. I understand it might not “jive” with yours but that does not make it wrong and even if in your eyes it IS wrong, your beliefs claim to accept me as I am and to let me worship in my own way and as I see fit.   I suspect that “allowing” of others doesn’t extend very far, however it is a right and privilege afforded to me not only by your own claims of belief but by the laws of this great nation in which we live.  Which brings me to the next point:

12 We believe in being subject to kings, presidents, rulers, and magistrates, in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law. – Church of Jesus Christ, Articles of Faith http://scriptures.lds.org/a_of_f/1/12#12

How can one claim to support the law when so obviously opposed to it.  Our forefathers decreed, in writing there should be a separation of church and state in this country. This includes changing and enacting laws which are voted on by the nation.  This is why we have the RIGHT to vote in this country so it is representative of our nation as a whole.  This includes people from all different belief systems and is representative of that belief.  When it doesn’t mesh with your philosophy of life, so be it.  Don’t participate in it.  No one is asking you to like the law, nor is anyone asking you to change who you are or even support it – simply to obey it or to let others have the rights which may be afforded by it.    By your own statement of belief, you support the laws of this fine country.  Even the ones you don’t agree with.

My absolute favorite quote within this talk is

A law against nature would be impossible to enforce. For instance, what good would a vote against the law of gravity do?

The statements made by Boyd K. Packer indicate laws against nature will be impossible to enforce… kind of like gravity and yet we have airplanes don’t we, we have space shuttles and space stations which defy those laws do they not?  Sure they are outside of this earth but don’t we have simulated gravity chambers here on this earth?  So the laws of gravity can be adapted and bent.

I suppose it’s left to the reader to interpret which laws of nature are up for debate here but I suppose off the top of my head I can think of one big one – gay marriage; and since homosexuality according to most religions is clearly a sin and against God’s will, it therefore must be against nature.  God didn’t design his creations to be homosexual, they are meant to be heterosexual.  Then that begs the question, why is there homosexuality in the animal kingdom? Approximately 1,500 species are known to have some form of homosexual interaction - http://www.news-medical.net/news/2006/10/23/20718.aspx –  doesn’t it then stand to reason homosexuality may actually be PART of God’s design?  Or are all of these animals also unnatural creatures?  They don’t have the same “free agency” as humans do, nor is there a “devil” tempting them.  So again – how is that not natural?  Again just because it doesn’t fit with your way of thinking doesn’t make it unnatural.  There are also other variations of sexuality and dichotomy within the animal kingdom all of which go against the heterosexual theory.  Just to address the argument before it is made, “marriage and relationships are between man and woman and you are talking about animals who don’t wed.”  You are right, animals don’t wed.  That is a human ceremony we invented for our own edification.  Animals have relationships, just not that piece of paper to solidify it.  This argument is merely to dispute the nature of things. There are a variety of sexual orientations in the animal kingdom.  Of course this doesn’t even take into account the numerous studies on heredity and genetics which have verified the “choice” it is to be gay.

Okay, so maybe this talk isn’t referring to homosexuality.  Maybe it’s referring to something else – maybe the current state of marijuana becoming legal in California.  But somehow considering marijuana is by all rights natural, I suspect that’s not it.

If someone else can enlighten me as to what else it “could” be, I’m more than happy to discuss that as well.  What this all boils down to is hypocrisy, misdirection and misinformation.   I’m perfectly fine with people who don’t agree with some of the same concepts as I.  I’m also okay with people who wish to believe in whatever religion they choose.  But please, at least keep it consistent and respect what you believe.  Don’t disguise intolerance under the umbrella of Religion and claim it to be God’s law especially when by your own admission you believe otherwise.  Credibility is lost when what you preach and what you practice contradict each other.

I have no doubt there will be some heat over this from those I know and love.  I promise it’s not personal, it’s just my opinion.  Sometimes the other side of the fence needs to speak up a bit.  I’m not supporting any particular entity or organization, merely pointing out what I see as fundamental flaws in something I’m intimately familiar with.